Wednesday, April 23, 2008

It turns out that I have nothing in common with the Green Party

I've been experiencing Democrat Fatigue this exhausted feeling that the party is going to continue wasting great talents like Barack Obama and botching what should be gimme elections. It's been bad enough lately that I decided to start looking into the Green Party as a possible new home. Then I went to the Green Party website, and discovered to my amazement -- after just a few minutes -- that I disagree with almost all of their politics.

I've now read their official Platform and I’ve judged most of it to be crazy. Listen to some of these crazy ideas:

“Federally mandated 30-hour work week”: This is a terrific idea if you don't mind our productivity falling behind Serbia's and our GNP crashing. Even crazier: the Greens’ proposal to pay workers for a 40-hour week by enacting a gargantuan “social dividend” tax. If crazy ideas were mountains, this idea is K2.

“Free, Federally-Provided Child Care for All”: Have you ever dealt with the DMV? Imagine a DMV for child care. Now imagine paying the taxes to support the DMV for someone else's child care. If crazy ideas were mountains, this idea is Mount Everest.

“Workplace Democracy”: I kid you not, the Green Party wants to make it federal law that any workplace with 10 or more workers gets to democratically elect its managers. If crazy ideas were mountains, this idea is so crazy that there is no earthly mountain big enough to represent its craziness – you would need to explore the deepest reaches of space to find a planet with a big enough mountain to represent this proposal.

“Abolish the CIA, NSA, and All US Agencies of Covert Warfare”: Yeah, because who needs the most important elements of 21st-century national defense? Not us, apparently. News flash: it’s going to take more than the Newark Police Department to monitor and disrupt hostile governments and substate terrorists. “US agencies of covert warfare” turn out to be pretty important when the chips are down…I’m all for safeguarding the Constitution in times of crisis, but abolishing our best friggin’ defense isn’t the solution to Guantanamo, folks.

And I won't even get started on their foreign policy, which is pretty much ripped straight out of Noam Chomsky.

All of which is to say, the Green Party and I are not a good fit. Maybe I will start the Mario Party.


Rob said...

I have just the thing for you, my friend! Ron Gunzburger's political site has a page cataloging EVERY political party in the United States, from the Pansexual Peace Party to the Pot Party (no joke):

You may be amused to see how many parties have split into "Judean People's Front"/"People's Front of Judea"-style factions, including the Greens. Go peruse the page and see where you end up. If I had to bolt, I think I'd go with the Moderate Party... or the Maharishi's party if they hadn't moved on to another astral plane with David Lynch.

Daniel Morris said...

Cool, thanks for the list, Rob. I'm considering one of these neo-Nazi splinter groups.

You know how I love a good splinter group!

Commonwealth said...

Hey, what's wrong with Noam Chomsky?

Daniel Morris said...

My problem with Chomsky is his moral equivalence. When Third World citizens intentionally massacre thousands of innocent people (whether ours or their own), he defends it as "the understandable outcry of the powerless." When a U.S. bomb kills a senior al-Qaeda planner along with his family, he calls it terrorism.

I see distinctions between U.S. foreign policy and Nazi aggression -- Chomsky doesn't, and he repeatedly makes the direct comparison. Or maybe I just never got over his gloating about 9/11 in the speech he gave at MIT right after the attack.

In funnier news, check out this awesome Ali G interview of a totally-clueless Chomsky...

rakiel said...

ok - i'll grant you that democracy management is out there.. but let's give that 30 hour work week a little more thought. I mean, let's face it, if you're management there was never a forty hour week. more like a 50 - 60 hour week.

it has less to do with productivity and more to do with a legal form of indenturism.. so if you go to 30 hour - you could put more people to work (to produce the same) and managers might end up with a 40-50 hour week. sign me up.

Kim Morris said...

I'm all for the 30 hour work week also...except that means Brotherman will work the same 55hr week and only get paid for 30 instead of 40...So screw that! Furthermore....there's a Pot Party?!

Brotherman said...

Being that I'm union, I'm already an indentured servant. They even call it being indentured when you sign up.

I think I could live without the CIA or NSA. I mean the CIA has a nack for armng our future enemies.
I quess I'm just not that worried about terrorists. I figure I'm more likely to die driving to work or at work or doing something worthy of the Darwin award.

I wonder how many Americans die each year from lightning or golf ball strikes. I heard about the surfer killed by Jaws near San Diego, maybe we need Federal agencies to protect us from all that too.

Seems to me if we paid a little more attention and used our guns for more than killing furry woodland creatures we could take care of ourselves.

I recently sold an old car to some Pakistani's. During the test drive I made sure to sit behind the driver and kept my knife close at hand. I also viewed the driver's license and recorded the phone #s and my recon didn't stop there. Now maybe I'm a little over the top after all they seemed nice enough, but what's it hurt to do a little leg work.

Bottom line, no third party will ever be electable so what's the point.

rakiel said...

okay ari bari - that's as bad as your dad taking out the rambo knife to go mano a mano with the skunk under the house. my money was on skunk.............